The Desires of Our Hearts…

God’s word says, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.  Ahhhhh, yay I get whatever I want, right?  Quite frankly, that is the attitude I take on often.  Yup, if I am just a good girl and pray and read my bible, then God will give me whatever my little ole heart desires.  BUZZZZZZZ…..wrong answer. It seems like time and time again, the things that I think I want don’t come to fruition and I get all bummed out and jealous of those who have want I want.  How many times do I have to cry out about my desire to have a baby?  Yes, I have children and I love them.  But, I’ve never had a BABY!  Every time I thought we were close, either I’d miscarry or the adoption would fall through.  I’d really like to make a decent living doing what I love; weaving.  But I don’t. I really want a garden and some fibery animals, but things keep happening from making this desire a reality.  So, does that mean God’s word isn’t true?  Absolutely not.  Read the following

1 Do not fret because of those who are evil

or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:1-7

Trust in, wait for, and take delight in the Lord.  Very key words.  Sometimes the answer is going to be no and sometimes the answer is going to be not right now.

You see, I don’t have a baby and probably never will.  I realize that.  However, if I stop and think about it, if I would have had the baby I so desired, then we wouldn’t have adopted 5 children, wouldn’t have fostered 22 children, and we wouldn’t have fulfilled God’s plan for our family.  How being a part of those children’s lives has made my heart sing.  If I made a living off of weaving, then I wouldn’t have had time to weave the prayer shawls that I have woven over the years.  I, and the recipients, would have missed God’s blessing  in that.  And what a joy it has been to my soul.  I still want a garden and fibery animals and a farm, but God, I believe is saying the following to me. “Not right now.  I have other plans and other work for you to do and it may be somewhere else then where you want to be.  But trust me, be patient with me, delight in just me and I will give you the desires of your heart.”

I am learning that what I think might be the desire of my heart really isn’t.  The true delight of my heart is to please God.  To walk in His ways. To make Him happy.  To worship Him.  To love Him.  TO SERVE HIM.  I think what starts out as the desire of our heart changes over time to conform to His plan.

I don’t know where that leaves me for tomorrow other then continuing to learn to trust, obey, follow, and be patient.


Brittle and Shattered

The Mister was working out in the garage today.  It’s cold out there.  Cold enough that he is running a heater, wearing gloves, a sweatshirt, and is still coming inside for frequent breaks.  But he has some things that must be done this week, so brave the cold he does.  He related an incident to me when he came in for one of those breaks, and I wanted to share it with you all.

While cleaning out a small area in the corner of the garage, he uncovered the first aid kit I used to carry in my car (I’ve since upgraded to a much larger first aid kit) and set it aside to go through it later.  He decided he should just go through it then and there, but he couldn’t get the lid open.  After several attempts, he ended up dropping it, and the lid cracked and broke.

He was a bit upset about it and wanted to pick it all up and throw it against the wall in frustration as clean up would now delay him further in his original task.  But, after a deep breath, he saw a lesson from God in this.  If it had been a warm day, dropping the box, would simply have made it bounce.  When plastic is warm, it is pliable and bending.  When it is cold, it is brittle and will break and shatter very easily.  That’s the same with our relationship with God.  When we are close to Him, we are warmed by Him and we are able to conform to His will.  We are easily bendable and can go with whatever comes at us and let it bounce right off.  However, the further away from God we travel, the colder we become.  We end up so cold, we are unable to conform to His will anymore, and we become brittle.  When that happens, we can snap and break with just the smallest of circumstances.

This past month has been one of those months that could have easily broken us.  In the grand scheme of things, the stuff that happened has been minor, however, it just seemed as though firey darts were being tossed in our direction constantly.  Oh we weren’t perfect in how we handled things.  We lost our tempers, we complained and grumbled a bit.  But all in all, we saw this as just another hurdle to get over and it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been.  We started a new family bible study several weeks ago and really saw a difference in the way we handled things the closer we moved towards God.

Talking with God

I used to have a standing appointment with God.  Every morning I’d stand in the kitchen and gaze out my little window towards the east and see the sun rise and talk with God and start my day.  In recent months, I’ve sort of forgotten about those appointments.  Instead I have kept the blinds closed until the sun was fully out.  I’ve put God in a box to take out whenever I wanted to “play” with Him.  I’ve pulled Him out when it was convenient for me.  I’ve gotten lax in my prayers and my appointments with God.  He gently reminded me of that last week.  He called my name and asked me if I would meet him for coffee this morning and watch the sunrise with him.  I almost forgot what it was like to sip on a warm cup of coffee and just listen to God speak through the beauty of His creation.

(picture taken this morning using low level light setting)

Seeing the streaks of sun coming through the trees was such a sight to behold.  Even though it was 38 degrees outside, I opened the sliding glass door and listened to the sounds waking up around me.  Birds chirping, squirrels running around chattering to each other, ducks quacking on the lake below the tree line.  What a great way to start the day.

Thank you, God, for always having time to visit with me.  Thank you for reminding me that you made it all.  Thank you for loving me enough to remind me that you are still there.

The Bend In The Tree

How often do we look at the big picture and see utter perfection, but upon closer inspection see faults and imperfections?

While my husband and I stood on the porch, gazing around the woods in our new backyard, I was amazed at G-d’s amazing might and power.  His creation, and his sheer awesomeness.  The trees were strong, tall, proud, and majestic in their bearing.  But, when I looked closer I saw a huge “imperfection” in one tree.  It started out straight and tall, but at some point it changed course and took a turn.  It grew that way for a bit and then corrected course, came back to it’s starting point, and then continued it’s climb upwards.  Amazing.  I couldn’t fathom what would cause the bend in the tree, or how it got back on course.

It only took a few moments of staring for G-d to speak to me through that tree.  You see, we are all born to be something grand.  Something strong and tall.  A beauty to behold in the Creator’s eyes.  But somewhere, during our critical growing years, we get off course and start to drift elsewhere.  By G-d’s grace, we are put back onto the right course and start growing straight and tall again.

I know it would have been easy for G-d to do many different things regarding that tree.  He could have never let it go off course to begin with, or He could have erased all traces of that time of growth.  Instead, it was left there as a reminder.  Perhaps, to remind us that even if we get off course, with G-d’s help, we can get back on course and grow strong and tall.  Perhaps to show us that even in imperfection, there is beauty.  Perhaps to just show us that when looking at the big picture, there are many details we shouldn’t overlook.  Or perhaps, we should just look beyond the imperfections of this life and focus on the One who made it all.  I am not sure of the true message that might be there for you, dear reader, as I think G-d can use the same bend in the tree to send a message to a hundred different people that have a hundred different meanings.  I just ask that you simply be still for a moment and know that HE is G-d.